I love Trader Joe's
An oasis of cool food
And also, cheap wine
***
Sunny clementines
Just not enough to combat
Sadness and my SAD
***
The green tree sparkles
Each ornament a story
A piece of our past
***
This weird, weird weather
Like a Katy Perry song
Don't mean to like it
***
Friends come and friends go
Someone leaves, someone returns
The key is balance
***
Wonder what I'd say
If Christmas happened today
Would I welcome them?
***
I'm so intrigued by
Four hundred years of silence
And then, the baby
***
Merry Christmas!
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Coming To Terms
I was shocked to find myself saying your name
after so many months
of not saying your name.
I even prefaced your name with
“my friend” when I know,
in fact,
that you aren’t my friend at all.
So after months of pointedly
not missing you
not thinking of you
not remembering you,
the loss of you
arrived unbidden and unexpected
and the loss of you
felt more real than almost any other loss
and the loss of you
hurt me but I didn’t cry
we don’t cry
remember,
how we don’t cry?
Remember how we
were like sisters and
how my kids called you Aunt
and the little one had a special way
of saying your name
and we loved you
I love you still
but the loss of you
is something I must bear
and invent and imagine all the reasons why
and guard against so that I never
have to bear this loss again.
after so many months
of not saying your name.
I even prefaced your name with
“my friend” when I know,
in fact,
that you aren’t my friend at all.
So after months of pointedly
not missing you
not thinking of you
not remembering you,
the loss of you
arrived unbidden and unexpected
and the loss of you
felt more real than almost any other loss
and the loss of you
hurt me but I didn’t cry
we don’t cry
remember,
how we don’t cry?
Remember how we
were like sisters and
how my kids called you Aunt
and the little one had a special way
of saying your name
and we loved you
I love you still
but the loss of you
is something I must bear
and invent and imagine all the reasons why
and guard against so that I never
have to bear this loss again.
Friday, December 12, 2008
Haiku Friday - Home Alone Edition
I dream of running
Running from something, some man
I wake up tired.
***
In morning's quiet
I ask, I seek, I listen
And I hear Him speak.
***
He paints a picture
Of a whole different life
Am I brave enough?
***
The kids take over
My room is no longer mine
They are "camping out."
***
Her sideways glances
And her upswept auburn hair
Make her beautiful
***
Red peeks through the brown
I screwed up my hair color
Well, it is unique...
***
Promises to keep
Hardest - the ones to myself
Integrity holds
***
My best premise yet
Perhaps not fair to write it
But what if I'm right?
***
Running from something, some man
I wake up tired.
***
In morning's quiet
I ask, I seek, I listen
And I hear Him speak.
***
He paints a picture
Of a whole different life
Am I brave enough?
***
The kids take over
My room is no longer mine
They are "camping out."
***
Her sideways glances
And her upswept auburn hair
Make her beautiful
***
Red peeks through the brown
I screwed up my hair color
Well, it is unique...
***
Promises to keep
Hardest - the ones to myself
Integrity holds
***
My best premise yet
Perhaps not fair to write it
But what if I'm right?
***
Saturday, December 6, 2008
Haiku Saturday
World-weary, tired
Guarded, defensive, all spent
But my hair looks good!
***
Sometimes I wonder
Why I let you get to me
And sometimes I know
***
He asks hard questions
My answers sound forced and wrong
And he stops digging
***
My writing suffers
Inspiration shrivels
Where are my muses?
***
Guarded, defensive, all spent
But my hair looks good!
***
Sometimes I wonder
Why I let you get to me
And sometimes I know
***
He asks hard questions
My answers sound forced and wrong
And he stops digging
***
My writing suffers
Inspiration shrivels
Where are my muses?
***
Friday, November 7, 2008
Haiku Friday - Cali Edition
Constant ocean breeze
Gentle balm for weary souls
Chilly in the shade
***
Channel Islands rise
Amid mist and haze and clouds
So mysterious
***
Palm trees sway above me
Various seabirds take flight
Should I fear earthquakes?
***
Not quite young lovers
But rediscovering things
We had forgotten
***
We walked and held hands
Along sandy, rocky shore
A new day begins
Gentle balm for weary souls
Chilly in the shade
***
Channel Islands rise
Amid mist and haze and clouds
So mysterious
***
Palm trees sway above me
Various seabirds take flight
Should I fear earthquakes?
***
Not quite young lovers
But rediscovering things
We had forgotten
***
We walked and held hands
Along sandy, rocky shore
A new day begins
Monday, November 3, 2008
Vacation anyone?
My husband and I are heading out on vacation tomorrow morning at the ungodly hour of 7:40 AM. We're going to California - landing in LA and driving to Ventura Beach. Then we're heading to El Capitan, Malibu, maybe Mexico. I am SO excited, which is only slightly tempered by my feeling vaguely guilty for leaving the kids and dogs with Grandma.
I'm packed. The only thing left is my laptop and my makeup. It has been SO long since we've been out of town...to the beach...with time for drinks...for reconnecting...for dreaming...for thinking...
And lots of time for writing! :)
I'm packed. The only thing left is my laptop and my makeup. It has been SO long since we've been out of town...to the beach...with time for drinks...for reconnecting...for dreaming...for thinking...
And lots of time for writing! :)
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Stream of consciousness
SO MUCH LAUNDRY. I'm not sure it would all get done even if I ran the washer and dryer constantly until we leave!
And...we ARE leaving! We're going on vacation to California, since Grandma finally agreed to keep the kids and the dogs. I know it's a lot to ask. But we rarely ask for anything. But I still feel guilty for asking.
My head hurts. I don't want it to - it's a beautiful day and it's going to be a fun week, away from stress and work and everything. I want to be able to look forward to vacation, not feel guilty about it!
We will probably not have another vacation alone together - we will cherish this one!
I really wish I didn't have to work tomorrow. But it's only till 2.
I also hope I can get my expense check tomorrow...hope hope hope!
So, what is the most important thing you need to know about my character, Siobhan Douglass?
She is for real, and from the very beginning she takes her gifts very seriously.
Going to take a nap...then...a couple thousand words on my novel, laundry, dinner....it's always something!
And...we ARE leaving! We're going on vacation to California, since Grandma finally agreed to keep the kids and the dogs. I know it's a lot to ask. But we rarely ask for anything. But I still feel guilty for asking.
My head hurts. I don't want it to - it's a beautiful day and it's going to be a fun week, away from stress and work and everything. I want to be able to look forward to vacation, not feel guilty about it!
We will probably not have another vacation alone together - we will cherish this one!
I really wish I didn't have to work tomorrow. But it's only till 2.
I also hope I can get my expense check tomorrow...hope hope hope!
So, what is the most important thing you need to know about my character, Siobhan Douglass?
She is for real, and from the very beginning she takes her gifts very seriously.
Going to take a nap...then...a couple thousand words on my novel, laundry, dinner....it's always something!
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Sooo, I am an IDIOT
I signed up for Nanowrimo AND Nablopomo.
If you know what is wrong with me, please post it in the comments!
I have no idea what I will post, but I am envisioning kind of a mind-opening type thing before I start working on my novel each day. So, it could get VERY interesting!
Free your mind, and the rest will follow. Right?!
So here is the prologue to my novel, Gifted:
How many words is that? Oh? Not 50,000?
Back to the other screen....see you tomorrow!
PS - Marvin and Laura,
I will endeavor to continue Haiku Fridays for your 5-7-5 enjoyment!
:)
If you know what is wrong with me, please post it in the comments!
I have no idea what I will post, but I am envisioning kind of a mind-opening type thing before I start working on my novel each day. So, it could get VERY interesting!
Free your mind, and the rest will follow. Right?!
So here is the prologue to my novel, Gifted:
She pushed a lock of her long brown hair away from her angular face, tucking it behind her ear. She chewed on her bottom lip, stared off into space. Before she realized it, before she could stop it, it was happening again. She shook her head, closed her eyes, trying to rid her mind of its vision, trying to interrupt and silence the voice that spoke directly to her. The vision grew stronger, the voice grew louder and more insistent. She briefly wondered if she was crazy. Then her thoughts were not her own anymore. Everything that was uniquely and undeniably her was gone and only the voice and the vision remained. It was just like before, just like when she was a child.
Her only choice was absolute surrender. And so she surrendered. She gave in, not knowing when she would belong to herself again, not knowing when the vision would be over, or when it would come to pass. Just knowing that until it was over, she was a hostage to her gift.
How many words is that? Oh? Not 50,000?
Back to the other screen....see you tomorrow!
PS - Marvin and Laura,
I will endeavor to continue Haiku Fridays for your 5-7-5 enjoyment!
:)
Friday, October 31, 2008
Halloween Haiku
Jack o'lanterns shine
Kids in costumes trick or treat
Nanowrimo looms
***
Chocolate and Smarties
Lollipops and spider rings
Children's brilliant smiles
***
Leaves change, the air chills
Autumn swoops in, crisp and clear
I miss my sandals!
***
Love, lust and friendship
We've struggled with this for years
We still don't get it.
***
Thursday reverie
Beer, pizza, Ugly Betty
Gets me through the week.
***
Ghosties and goblins
Things that go bump in the night
Happy Halloween!
Kids in costumes trick or treat
Nanowrimo looms
***
Chocolate and Smarties
Lollipops and spider rings
Children's brilliant smiles
***
Leaves change, the air chills
Autumn swoops in, crisp and clear
I miss my sandals!
***
Love, lust and friendship
We've struggled with this for years
We still don't get it.
***
Thursday reverie
Beer, pizza, Ugly Betty
Gets me through the week.
***
Ghosties and goblins
Things that go bump in the night
Happy Halloween!
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Nanowrimo 2008 - Gifted
Gifted
She has the gifts most misunderstood, most rejected, most exploited…prophecy, healing, speaking in tongues.
Taught to hide her gifts from childhood, she is horrified when they grow stronger and their presence becomes involuntary through adolescence.
Then what happens when she embraces her gifts, and is tested and fails, and has to find a way to heal again with hands that have killed, has to find a way to speak in tongues again with a voice that has fallen silent, and must prophesy again from a mind that has gone blank?
Who heals the healer? Who can stir the voice of the one who can speak in tongues? Who can open the mind of the prophet?
Soon, and very soon, she will find out.
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/406747
She has the gifts most misunderstood, most rejected, most exploited…prophecy, healing, speaking in tongues.
Taught to hide her gifts from childhood, she is horrified when they grow stronger and their presence becomes involuntary through adolescence.
Then what happens when she embraces her gifts, and is tested and fails, and has to find a way to heal again with hands that have killed, has to find a way to speak in tongues again with a voice that has fallen silent, and must prophesy again from a mind that has gone blank?
Who heals the healer? Who can stir the voice of the one who can speak in tongues? Who can open the mind of the prophet?
Soon, and very soon, she will find out.
http://www.nanowrimo.org/eng/user/406747
Friday, October 24, 2008
Haiku Friday - Exhausted Edition
Rain falls, the wind blows
Autumn has finally come
Gray skies match my mood
***
Not where I should be
I know God has more for me
I seek and listen
***
Amazing how words
Have the power to change things
Bring dead dreams to life
***
Nanowrimo looms
One month, one great novel
No ideas in sight
***
God speaks, I listen
His love and grace transform me
His voice guides my days
***
No longer hiding
Living my life in His light
Reflecting His love
***
Autumn has finally come
Gray skies match my mood
***
Not where I should be
I know God has more for me
I seek and listen
***
Amazing how words
Have the power to change things
Bring dead dreams to life
***
Nanowrimo looms
One month, one great novel
No ideas in sight
***
God speaks, I listen
His love and grace transform me
His voice guides my days
***
No longer hiding
Living my life in His light
Reflecting His love
***
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Sunday
Ancient words, well used,
Spoken again, calm and soothe
My spirit at peace
***
The prayer asks that he
Forgives us as we forgive
We’re responsible
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Tower
The tower is tall
It's strong and it keeps out all
the things that bring pain
***
I hide there sometimes
when thoughts of you crowd my mind
and I can't let go
***
I understand you
Better than you know yourself
I see the forest
***
You made me believe
You let me be romantic
But you don't believe
***
Actions speak louder
You told me that was bullshit
But I was right, then
***
No dignity left
And so I swiftly retreat
Back where you found me
***
Alone and lonely
Crying, broken, cowering
And you walk away
It's strong and it keeps out all
the things that bring pain
***
I hide there sometimes
when thoughts of you crowd my mind
and I can't let go
***
I understand you
Better than you know yourself
I see the forest
***
You made me believe
You let me be romantic
But you don't believe
***
Actions speak louder
You told me that was bullshit
But I was right, then
***
No dignity left
And so I swiftly retreat
Back where you found me
***
Alone and lonely
Crying, broken, cowering
And you walk away
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Haiku Very Early Saturday Morning v 2.0
Clouds gather out there
The same clouds gather in here
My life is stormy
***
New schools for them both
Why do I dread this Monday?
They will be just fine.
***
Watching Olympics
For hours upon hours
The best of the best
***
Fires burn, my heart aches
I miss your touch and your voice
I need to see you
***
Fingertips tease me
My skin, all tingly and warm
You know what I need
***
An innocent hug
Nothing to the outside world
Everything to me
The same clouds gather in here
My life is stormy
***
New schools for them both
Why do I dread this Monday?
They will be just fine.
***
Watching Olympics
For hours upon hours
The best of the best
***
Fires burn, my heart aches
I miss your touch and your voice
I need to see you
***
Fingertips tease me
My skin, all tingly and warm
You know what I need
***
An innocent hug
Nothing to the outside world
Everything to me
Friday, August 15, 2008
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Haiku Very Early Saturday Morning
Are you judging me
As you harshly judge yourself?
We were both willing.
***
Killing me sweetly
With words I want to believe
But somehow, just don't.
***
Focusing on myself
To shift my focus from us
I see the results
***
Heat rises and sways
Shimmering in the morning
Punishing my skin
***
Tears swell in my eyes
My hero has feet of clay
We're all imperfect.
***
As you harshly judge yourself?
We were both willing.
***
Killing me sweetly
With words I want to believe
But somehow, just don't.
***
Focusing on myself
To shift my focus from us
I see the results
***
Heat rises and sways
Shimmering in the morning
Punishing my skin
***
Tears swell in my eyes
My hero has feet of clay
We're all imperfect.
***
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Sweetness
Drink my thoughts
and taste the salt in the river
kiss my face and
taste the salt in my tears
make imperfect, lovely caramels and
add salt from the Med
add vodka to pink lemonade slushies and make virgin margaritas
with coarse salt on the rim of the glass
tattoo your name on my hip and my heart and
spill your salty seed across my belly and
love me
love me
love me
Haiku Thursday
Just for my friend Marvin...
Realization
We burned hot and bright
Irrational thoughts and needs
Nothing gold can stay.
Cookies
A poor substitute
Chips Deluxe Chocolate Lovers
Not as good as you
Unsupervised
Alone in my room
Drinking wine from the bottle
The small, small bottle
Important Things About Me in Haiku
I
I read very fast
Sometimes a whole paragraph
My eyes absorb words
II
My Grandfather was
the youngest Texas Ranger
when he was a boy
III
I am not afraid
Of needles or giving blood
I give my own shots
IV
If I work at it
My handwriting is gorgeous
Normally I’m rushed
V
I just cannot wink
No matter how hard I try
And I don’t know why
Realization
We burned hot and bright
Irrational thoughts and needs
Nothing gold can stay.
Cookies
A poor substitute
Chips Deluxe Chocolate Lovers
Not as good as you
Unsupervised
Alone in my room
Drinking wine from the bottle
The small, small bottle
Important Things About Me in Haiku
I
I read very fast
Sometimes a whole paragraph
My eyes absorb words
II
My Grandfather was
the youngest Texas Ranger
when he was a boy
III
I am not afraid
Of needles or giving blood
I give my own shots
IV
If I work at it
My handwriting is gorgeous
Normally I’m rushed
V
I just cannot wink
No matter how hard I try
And I don’t know why
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